Saturday, June 11, 2011

How Google got me the day off

So I'm sitting at my desk at work, all furrowed of brow and foul of mood, and I suddenly burst out laughing. My co-workers scamper to my side and peer at my screen to read what they assume is the joke that someone has forwarded me, but they see me cracking up at...the Google homepage?

They back out of my workspace slowly, keeping an eye on me the whole time, and hurry towards my boss's cabin to ask him if maybe, just maybe, he can make me take a forced vacation, because I'm finally falling off the deep end.

Google really cracks me up sometimes. Especially in the middle of a crappy day, when I need to find an important bit of information, I would naturally turn to trusty ol' Google, right? And barely do I type in 'How to' and I get the following screen---

How to get pregnant? Hmmm...yes, yes. I really need Google to teach me how. You'd think that I'd have figured it out by now, living in a country with a population of 1.21 billion. And kids today would much read about how to kiss on Google, rather than fumble through the saliva-fest that is their first kiss, behind the school auditorium. I also want Google to teach me---get this, get this, to GAIN weight, because it's not enough, I suspect, that I have a metabolism that helps my body to ingest fat particles straight out of the air that I breathe and deposits them on my hips. And an invaluable skill that every person must possess is TO KNOW HOW TO HACK A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT. In case you get so psyched that somebody's actually looking up how to do that right at this very moment as you're reading this, and you no longer want to even be on facebook anymore because of all the crazies out there, then there's HOW TO DELETE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT right below that. How very convenient.

The funniest thing that happened, though, was that my boss came in and peeped in over my shoulder while I was chuckling to myself and then called me into his cabin and gave me 4 days off next week to 'regroup' , which when translated into Crazyspeak means 'to regain your grip on reality, woman!'

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