What I love about going home

Mom

Do you need further proof that cuteness is inherited?

Sweetness personified. The glue that has kept our family together through thick and thin. She has had the unenviable task of dealing with two very disparate personalities-polar opposites, in fact, in the form of my sister and me. The referee when we have our screaming matches, and is sometimes unintentionally funny. She has taught us, through word and example, to be honest, respectful, compassionate, and to hold our heads high, and persevere with patience and determination.She is our guardian angel, always looking out for us, always thinking the best of us, always expecting the best from us. Wanting our happiness more than anything else. I have been told that I possess her features, and some of her charm.Ahem. 

OK, that last bit I may have just made up, but let's just pretend that it's true.

Missed a spot

This ear belongs to my sister, who I have already written about here, and here, and here. For now, only a picture of her ear is allowed on this blog. If I permit any more than that, very soon, she'll be taking over my blog, and having an affair with it, and running away with it, and marrying it, and having its little blog babies. And before you know it, this blog would have stripped of all its charm (ahem!) and been renamed ' THE @#&*%#%& BEEP BEEP BEEP, BEEPITY BEEP BLOG.'

I wish I could tell you what the deal is with all the piercings and all, but I seriously haven't got a clue. Elaine Davidson wannabe perhaps? I don't know. And she would have gone on, but she ran out of space. Though I can tell you this - when it does come in handy is when we're baking, and we need to measure out about 50 grams of something (like baking soda, for instance) and can't find the weight, we just detach her ear and use that instead.

Cats are silly (and Moms are weird)

The strangest object caught my eye when I went home for Easter this time. It was this mobile-type thing hanging above the porch. You know, those dangling things that people hang above babies’ cots to keep them entertained, which they do, for about thirty seconds, after which the babies promptly get back to screaming and hollering and demanding that their parents find something new to entertain them with. The baby mobiles usually have some plastic elephants, and hippos, and also other miscellaneous animals that do not resemble anything in actual existence dangling from them. But this one that mom had hung up had…DEAD BIRDS? 

Ewwwww!

On my way home from work today, I saw what I thought was stalk of sugarcane lying in the middle of the road. I ignored it, till it started gliding across the road as I got nearer. I couldn't hit the brakes, because that would've just caused an accident, and realizing that there was nothing else I could do, I closed my eyes and prayed that I wouldn't run over it.

Right. Because THAT'S how you avoid running over a snake with your car. By driving with your eyes closed in peak-hour traffic.

Sibling

My sister walks into the bathroom and catches me in front of the mirror, holding in my left hand a trophy that I once won for something not remotely related to acting, and a round hairbrush in my right, which is my serving as my makeshift mic.

She: Whatcha doing?

Me: Practising my acceptance speech.

She: What acceptance speech?

Me: I don't know. Just generally, you know. In case I win an award. Practising what I would say.

She: An award for what?

Me: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Golden Globe, Filmfare. I dunno.

She: Are you nominated?

Me: Er...no.

She: Have you even acted in anything?

Me: Do the plays I acted in when I was in college count?

She: There's no milk in the fridge and your plants have all died because you've forgotten to water them.*eye roll* And you're my role model? Mom wants me to be more like you? *snort*

The cure

I don't know how it happened. When I headed out the door, it felt like one of those days when all I really wanted was to get myself a prescription for Prozac, but I returned home with a bottle of  'Happy Spirit' by Chopard instead.

The guy who sold it to me insists that it will have the same effect, because it has the word 'Happy' in it. See?

So turns out that I'm just an idiot because I don't get that it's apparently as simple as that.

The one in which I talk a lot about restrooms and what really goes on in there

Today was just one of those days when I was so restless. I mean, how many times can you look yourself up in Google? Nothing new ever comes up. That’s probably because no-one hides in the bushes outside my house, and rifles through my trash, or follows me around with a camera and takes pictures of me every time I go for a walk in my Chanel boots, CK jeans, Ralph Lauren sweater and Gucci shades. And no-one is ever around to take a picture of me getting into a car without any underwear on and flashing my hoo-ha at the world (and Mom, in case any of this gets back to you, I swear I would never do that! I am still the good Catholic girl you raised me to be).

Oh, right. Because that only happens to Kate Beckinsale and Britney Spears.