Ewwwww!

On my way home from work today, I saw what I thought was stalk of sugarcane lying in the middle of the road. I ignored it, till it started gliding across the road as I got nearer. I couldn't hit the brakes, because that would've just caused an accident, and realizing that there was nothing else I could do, I closed my eyes and prayed that I wouldn't run over it.

Right. Because THAT'S how you avoid running over a snake with your car. By driving with your eyes closed in peak-hour traffic.

Sibling

My sister walks into the bathroom and catches me in front of the mirror, holding in my left hand a trophy that I once won for something not remotely related to acting, and a round hairbrush in my right, which is my serving as my makeshift mic.

She: Whatcha doing?

Me: Practising my acceptance speech.

She: What acceptance speech?

Me: I don't know. Just generally, you know. In case I win an award. Practising what I would say.

She: An award for what?

Me: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Golden Globe, Filmfare. I dunno.

She: Are you nominated?

Me: Er...no.

She: Have you even acted in anything?

Me: Do the plays I acted in when I was in college count?

She: There's no milk in the fridge and your plants have all died because you've forgotten to water them.*eye roll* And you're my role model? Mom wants me to be more like you? *snort*

The cure

I don't know how it happened. When I headed out the door, it felt like one of those days when all I really wanted was to get myself a prescription for Prozac, but I returned home with a bottle of  'Happy Spirit' by Chopard instead.

The guy who sold it to me insists that it will have the same effect, because it has the word 'Happy' in it. See?

So turns out that I'm just an idiot because I don't get that it's apparently as simple as that.

The one in which I talk a lot about restrooms and what really goes on in there

Today was just one of those days when I was so restless. I mean, how many times can you look yourself up in Google? Nothing new ever comes up. That’s probably because no-one hides in the bushes outside my house, and rifles through my trash, or follows me around with a camera and takes pictures of me every time I go for a walk in my Chanel boots, CK jeans, Ralph Lauren sweater and Gucci shades. And no-one is ever around to take a picture of me getting into a car without any underwear on and flashing my hoo-ha at the world (and Mom, in case any of this gets back to you, I swear I would never do that! I am still the good Catholic girl you raised me to be).

Oh, right. Because that only happens to Kate Beckinsale and Britney Spears.

Cheers!

I was very tempted to celebrate Women's Day by downing a couple of mojitos. But as soon as I reached for the alcohol, memories of  how vodka has treated me SO WRONG in the past came rushing into my head (can't you just hear a wailing Country singer belt out a somebody-done-somebody-wrong song in the background?)

I had, yes, flashbacks of a fool- drinking far too much, and crawling on all fours to the bathroom, retching and heaving, till my eyeballs threatened to pop right out of my head. The next morning, if placing a ton of bricks on my head would have made it feel better, then that's what I would have done. I wanted to moan and cuss, but even the sound of my own voice made my head hurt even more.

So instead, this time, I drank iced tea, and decorated it with a sprig of mint to give it that fake-mojito vibe.

Adventure is my middle name. Just livin' on the edge, and sometimes, practically hanging off it.

To my 6 year-old self, I'd like to go back and say...

Many years from now, you'll be reading this. By then, I think it would be safe to assume that you'll be wiser, having experienced many of the vicissitudes of life. Vicissitudes. Now there's a big word for you. I only hope that you'll have the wisdom to learn from them.

By the time you are older, you smiles will not come so easily, or be so open. You won't smile just because you feel like smiling. You will smile as a form of greeting, or when you think of something funny, or to put on a face when you meet people. By then, you will not trust people so easily. You will become wary of them, suspicious of their motives. Of course, many people will give you a reason to mistrust them, because they will hurt you, and lie to you, for no other reason than they can, or that they don't know any better, or that they do, but are still insensitive enough to choose to do so anyway.